Euphemisms and Candy Canes
by Mlle. Madeline
Summary: Chad informs Sonny that he does in fact have lots of Christmas spirit, with the candy cane to prove it. Rated for suggestive humor. Channy, sorta.


**Disclaimer: No, I don't own Sonny with a Chance. No, I don't have any candy canes. And I have yet to go to a costume Christmas party.  
A/N: Happy holidays, everyone! In light of the Christmas spirit, I have for you what is hopefully an amusing one-shot. It's one of those things that started as one thing and ended up something else. Hope you like it! Enjoy! :D**

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The sound of tapping a fork against the punch bowl got everyone's attention.

"Thank you all for joining us!" Marshall yelled, putting down the fork and pouring himself a cup of punch. "On behalf of Mr. Condor and Condor Studios, have a merry Christmas and a happy New Year!" He toasted the air and took a sip, allowing the casts and crews of Condor Studios to continue their party.

"Eww," Tawni murmured, flicking Sonny in the arm. "Look at Portlyn."

Sonny followed Tawni's arm to where she was pointing and made a similar face. The _Mackenzie Falls _actress was dolled up in a Playboy Bunny-style Santa outfit, complete with ninety-inch stiletto black boots. As they watched, Portlyn shot a wink at one of the guys from _Teen Gladiator _and jingled the bells laced along the hip of her skirt at him.

Sonny rolled her eyes. "Oh, Portlyn."

Tawni blew air out through her mouth disdainfully. "This is, like, an office party," she sneered. "Not a street corner."

Sonny covered her mouth with her hand to hide her chuckle. "C'mon, Tawni, be nice. Don't want to get on Santa's naughty list, do you?"

Tawni laughed and smoothed down the red silk minidress she was wearing. "Right, Sonny." She jerked her thumb backwards. "I'm gonna go find some cute boys to compliment me, kay?" Looking down and adjusting herself once more, she flounced off.

"Besides," came a new voice, its owner putting his hands on Sonny's shoulders, "you don't want to get on Chad Dylan Cooper's naughty list either." Chad paused. "Unless you do," he amended with a suggestive little smirk. "I don't know how you roll, Munroe."

Sonny twisted her neck to see a certain three-named jerkthrob and shrugged his hands off her. "Does 'coal in your stocking' mean anything to you, Cooper?" She turned to face him, crossing her arms.

"Is that a euphemism for something?" Chad shot back, undeterred. He flicked a jingle bell attached to Sonny's elf hat.

She swatted his hands away. "Shut up, Chad." She might have been a little more menacing if she weren't wearing candy cane-striped tights.

Chad laughed and adjusted his blazer, eyeing Sonny's costume carefully. "Elf?" he asked, cocking an eyebrow.

Sonny grinned; she was proud of her costume. "Santa's little helper, you know," she said cheekily, tapping the side of her nose.

"Right," Chad said, staring at her footwear distractedly. "Who on earth makes high heeled elf shoes?"

Sonny grinned and shook her foot, making the bell on the curled toe of her bootie jingle. "I have my sources," she said secretively. "I have a shoemaker friend who knows some elves."

Chad rolled his eyes, grabbing Sonny's fake pointed ears and tossing them somewhere behind him. He ignored the faint _"ow!"_ that someone yelled. "You're taking this costume thing way too seriously," he informed her.

Sonny put her hands on her hips. "I'm in the holiday spirit," she shot back. "You're not dressed up at _all_." Chad was wearing his Mackenzie Falls uniform, as per usual.

Chad scoffed. "I am _so_."

Sonny raised one eyebrow.

Chad sighed. "Fine, you asked for it." He stuck his thumb under the waistband of his khakis and yanked them down an inch while pulling his shirt up with his other hand.

"Chad, what are you—" Sonny started to ask, and then saw what Chad was showing her. His boxers were red. "Oh, give me a _break_."

Chad smoothed out his shirt. "Told you."

"That doesn't count as Christmas spirit," Sonny said adamantly.

"I have a candy cane too," Chad said with a wink, "but I can't show you that in public."

He almost laughed at how red her face turned. "Chad Dylan Cooper, you are so vulgar," she said acidly, turning to leave.

Chad grabbed her arm, widening his eyes innocently. Reaching into the lapel pocket of his blazer, he pulled out a candy cane. "I swiped this from Tawni," he said, tossing it to her. "I just didn't want her to see it. What were _you _thinking?"

Sonny blushed harder, looking at the crooked stick of peppermint in her hands. "Uh…"

Chad grinned wider. "I think Sonny Munroe wants some Chad Dylan Cooper for Christmas."

"_What?_" Sonny spluttered, shaking her head and making the bells on her hat jingle wildly. "Uh, _no? _I think I'm going to tell Santa to get you some…some…uh, anti-ego juice."

Chad laughed. "Anti-ego juice. Really?"

Sonny's lip twitched. "Yeah, you heard of it? I think I'll mix it in the eggnog while you're not looking."

Chad smirked suggestively again, putting a hand on her shoulder. "I have some eggnog of my own, you know." He raised his eyebrows at her. "And I'm always willing to share."

Sonny made a disgusted face and pulled away. "Oh my God, Chad, you are the most—"

"Whoa, whoa, Munroe, chill," Chad put up his hands and laughed at her again. "I meant my mom has this amazing eggnog recipe and she made some yesterday. It's in my fridge at my apartment. I don't know where _your _mind was."

Sonny fixed Chad a with a patented Munroe glare, arms crossed over her green velvet-covered chest.

Chad smirked. "I was gonna get you a Christmas present, but I think my candy cane will suffice."

Sonny looked startled, and then remembered the peppermint stick still clutched in her hand. She flung it back at Chad, but with a lightning-fast hand he caught it and stuffed it back in his pocket. "You're disgusting."

Chad's smirk grew into a grin. "Right. Well," he amended, grabbing Sonny by the hand and pulling her through the room and throngs of people, " I could take you somewhere privately to show you my _real _candy cane."

Sonny stopped in her tracks. "Chad, you're so _gross_. If you think I'm going to—"

Chad wrapped Sonny's fingers around a red-and-white striped walking cane that had been leaning against the corner. "C'mon, Sonny," he said, barely holding in his laughter, "Really, you're so foul."

Sonny stared at the cane in her hands. "Okay, where did you even _get _this?"

"The Prop House," Chad said offhandedly, obviously proud of himself.

Sonny rolled her eyes. "You know, Chad, it's a shame," she said with a sigh, tossing the cane back at him and walking away.

As she expected, Chad darted after her. "What? What's a shame?"

Sonny paused and, without looking behind at him, shrugged and said bashfully, "If you hadn't been so gross with your innuendoes, I _might_ have given you a little booty."

She could _hear _his eyes widen. "Whoa, wait, really?"

Sonny looked over her shoulder and winked. "Maybe if you're nice I still will." Slowly she pivoted to fully face him.

Chad wasn't sure what was up with her sudden mood change, but he wasn't going to question it. Smooth as ever, he popped his collar and smirked. "Well, it _is _Christmas."

Sonny smiled. "Good point." Then, before Chad could ask or wonder what she was doing, she popped her foot and pulled her little elf shoe off her foot and flung it at him, where it smacked him square in the chest. "Go suck on a candy cane, you," she angrily hissed, and stalked off limpily.

Chad blinked, looking at the bootie at his feet. He picked it up, smiling wryly, and wondered what kind of candy cane Sonny had meant.

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**A/N #2: Why no, that is not a typo…yes, I did invent the word "limpily," thank you (:**


End file.
